Family Guy Porn Story: Peter Reborn Chapter 8
Chapter 8
Peter and Meg are
playing golf with Professor Honeydoodle. Chris is at home beating the
Evil Monkey with a shoe horn
Chris: (laughs) Im
beating the monkey. (Looks stunned) I dont get it.
(Continues to beat of
the evil monkey)
(Lois and Stewie are in
the living room. Lois is reading a magazine, and Stewie is watching
television. The screen shows us what Stewie is watching. He is
watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire)
Regis: For one million
dollars, what is you? Is it a) me b) you c) them or d) us
Contestant: Umm let
me see here. Im from Canada, so you is me. Final answer.
Regis: Oh Im so
sorry. The correct answer is true.
(Leaves television, and
shows Lois putting her magazine down on the table)
Stewie: Hey, hey you.
Woman. I demand that you change my diaper right away. Its like
Willy Wonkas Chocolate factory down there.
Lois: Alright Stewie,
but try and hold it in for god sake, youre like a pooping machine.
Stewie: How dare you
call me a pooping machine? I am an infant, and I shall remain like
this until the fat one teaches me to use the bathrooms facilities.
Not like that incident we had last time.
(Flashback: Peter is
changing Stewie)
Peter: Oh my, what a
dirty, dirty diaper. Stewie, did you fall in mud or something?
Stewie: Are you really
that stupid?
Peter: Oh my god. It
stinks like crap. Were you at the farm or something?
Stewie: Ah, you
blundering idiot. Is your original form before evolution a stapler?
GOD!
(Flashback ends. Scene
cuts to Meg and Peter on the 18th hole)
Meg: Alright, so whats
the score?
Peter: (looks at score
card and sees Meg is 31 and Peter is +23) Youre 31 and Im
+23.
Meg: What does that
mean?
Peter: You mean you
dont know? I do! I win.
Meg: Oh. Alright, can
you take me to a real club now?
Peter: Yes. Where do
you want to go?
Meg: Quagmire told me
about a cool place. Lets go there.
Peter: Alright. I hope
its not like that last club I was at in San Francisco.
(Flashback to Peter
walking into a club called The Pink Flamingo. He walks in and there
are a bunch of men dancing in a lit up room, almost like a disco
club. All the men were wearing tight leather. One guy was dressed up
like Macauley Caulkin from the movie Party Animal (in other words, a
female nurse). Some guys were dressed up like cowboys, cops, Indians,
and construction workers)
Peter: Hey, bartender,
give me a Vodka Tonic.
Bartender: (hands Peter
a vodka tonic)
Peter: (Takes a drink.
Then looks around the room. His eyes get big) Oh my god. There is
something not right here. This is just wrong. How can you men do
this? Its just sick, and disgusting. There is no tonic in this.
Enjoy your way of getting drunk, but Im not one for plane vodka
without the tonic. Im out of here. Enjoy all your gay sex tonight
with your boyfriends fellas. (Walks out of bar)
(Flashback ends. Scene
goes to Peter at the club Quagmire goes to)
Peter: Alright, get out
of the car. Maybe this place will give me a proper vodka tonic.
(Meg and Peter walk
into the club. They see Quagmire hitting on a girl)
Quagmire: Come on,
wanna give it a shot?
Girl: Im only
sixteen.
Quagmire: Well, if
youre old enough to bleed, youre old enough to butcher. Giggity
giggity goo.
Girl: (Sprays Quagmire
with mace)
Quagmire: All right!
Peter: (walks over to
Quagmire) Hey Quagmire.
Quagmire: Hey Peter.
Meg? How did you get in here, I thought they only let in women and
men.
Meg: Im a woman.
Quagmire: Yes you are,
yes you are. Meg, you remind me of Lois. Wanna screw around?
Meg? (looks scared)
What?
Quagmire: Wanna screw
this off for me? (He reaches into his pocket slowly, and pulls out a
bottle of wine really fast)
Meg: Oh. Alright!
Quagmire: Do it slow.
Not too slow, but dont go too fast. Youre going too Meg,
slow down, youre going too (short pause, then Quagmire sighs
a sound of relief when Meg opens up the bottle) Ahhh. That was great
Meg. Thanks.
Meg: Dad, look. Its
Jeff, the nudist. I wonder what hes doing here. I thought he had a
tennis game. (walks over to Jeff) Hi Jeff! I thought you had a tennis
game to play.
Jeff: Hi Meg, I did but
it got canceled for some reason. My opponent didnt show up for
some reason.
Meg: That sucks, why
didnt he show up?
Jeff: He got caught up
playing with some fat ass and his daughter on the golf course over at
the Klondike. Maybe you know him, his name is Professor Honeydoodle.
Meg: (looks shocked)
Nope, never heard of him.
Jeff: Oh well. So what
are you doing here?
Meg: Im just trying
to meet some guys. What about you.
Jeff: Same reason!
Meg: (looks shocked and
scared)
Jeff: Oh, but for
girls.
Meg: (looks relieved)
Oh. I see.
Jeff: I met one cool
girl, I think Id like to ask her out.
Meg: (looks upset) Oh.
Who is she?
Jeff: Im talking to
her right now.
End of chapter 8
(Authors note: I do
not own any of the name used in this story, and the Klondike is not a
real club to my knowledge. I would like to leave it open that if
there IS a club called the Klondike, it was in no way referenced to
that club. Also, the next Chapter will be the final chapter, and I
will beginning a new chapter about Stewie)