Family Guy Porn Story: The Real Meg Griffin – Chapter 2
Family Guy
The Real Meg Griffin Part 2
(Note: the reason why I had a recap was to make it feel more like the show)
Announcer: Previously, on Family Guy
Peter: Guess what, my Uncle John is coming.
Cut to the part where Lois finds out that John is dead.
Lois: I think hes dead.
Stewie(v.o): Hallelujah!
Cut to the funeral.
Undertaker rolls his eyes into the back of his head.
Undertaker: I am gonna bury you alive!
UT grabs Peter by the neck, goes towards the grave, lifts him up and throws him into the grave. He starts putting in dirt as comes and attacks him with a shovel. He pulls Peter out of grave and beats UT with the shovel while hes KOd.
Mankind: And thats for what you did to me a King of the ring!
Cut to when Peter is on the computer.
Peter clicks on Meg Griffin and finds a different picture of Meg. Its a completely different person.
Peter: Whoah! Holy freakin crap, there are two Megs!
Lois: No, thats probably just an error.
Peter calls Meg.
Peter: Hey Meg, look at this picture!
Meg: Whoah! Does that mean Im not really part of this family! SWEEET!
Peter: Lets search for Mg on Google.
Peter types in M, and because of the pre-fetch feature, it shows a bunch of pornstar names. Lois looks at Peter.
Peter: What?
Peter does his famous giggle. He types in Meg Griffin. He finds a page that says that shes lives at some address in Michigan.
Peter: You wont believe some of the stuff thats happened to your daughter. She befriended a cult-leader, got shot by arrows, kissed a pig, kissed the nerd she despises most on camera, got sold to that same kid, and the best part is that she slept with Jimmy Fallon on TV!
Adam: It looks like she needs spiritual healing. Well take her.
Meg(like how Darth Vader said it): Nooooooooooo!
Darth Vader: Noooooooooo!
Abel: You guys seem cool, Im staying with you guys!
The Griffins leave while Meg erAbel stays.
Meg: Life is gonna really suck now!
Opening credits. Cut to the Griffin home.
Peter opens the door.
Peter: Welcome to your new home!
Meg: Wow, this looks l exactly like that house that I went to when I first got wasted!
Flashback. Meg is inside of a car topless with a bunch of guys. She was so drunk that she thought the car was a house.
Meg(slurring her words): Wow, houses can actually move. I never knew that!
Stewie: Man, were going to really get along!
Meg: He can talk!
Meg runs up to Stewie and starts grabbing his cheeks.
Meg: Im your sister! Whos a good baby! Coochie-coochie-co!
Stewie slaps her.
Stewie: Dont try any of that baby talk on me sister!
Meg: Howd he get like that?
Brian: From jumping on the bed.
Flashback. Stewie(with a massive head)is jumping on the bed with Brian watching.
Brian: Hey, stop jumping on the bed, youll hurt yourself.
Stewie(with a lighter voice): Shut up, youre not my mother!
Stewies head hits the ceiling and it becomes football shaped like it is now.
Brian: Are you okay?
Stewie(with his normal voice): Yes, why do you ask?
Present.
Stewie: Wait, that flashback already happened!
Later that day, Peter is touring Meg around the house.
Peter: This is our kitchen.
Meg: Wow, that table is so big! I can have sex on it any day!
Peter: What! Me and Lois did once, trust me, it sucks.
Flashback. Peter and Lois are on top of the table. It breaks with Peter still on top of Lois.
Brian walks in.
Brian: Am I like, interrupting anything?
Present. Peter opens the door with Meg.
Peter: And this is your room.
Meg: Wow, that other girl sure was a nerd.
Peter: I know, what is this thing anyway?
Peter looks in a tank. A snapping turtle from it and goes on Peters face. He starts running and falls out of the window.
Peter(v.o): Wow, I never knew how high up the second story is!
Meg: Wow, I have a family full of idiots.
Later that day, Stewie and Brian are watching the lottery numbers being drawn.
Announcer: And the numbers are16
Brian: 16!
Announcer:5
Brian: 5!
Announcer:24
Brian: 24!
Announcer: 18
Brian: 18!
Announcer: 4
Brian: 4!
Announcer: 50!
Brian: YESSSSSS! YESSS!
Marv Albert: Yessss!
Brian: I won! I freakin won! Can you believe it; I won 50 freaking million dollars!
Stewie presses the eject button and a tape comes out.
Stewie: Hah! That was a tape from last weeks drawings! The oldest trick in the book!
Ashton Kutcher opens the door.
Ashton Kutcher: Youve been punkd!
Stewie: No, its not that kind of prank.
Ashton frowns, puts his head down and leaves.
Brian: This is worse than the time I thought that Stone Cold Steve Austin was at the airport!
Flashback. Brian is in the airport and spots a guy wearing knee braces, shorts, and a black shirt. He was also bald.
Brian: Oh shoot, its Austin 3:16!
Brian turns him around.
Brian: Hey can I have your autograph!
Brian finds out that its someone whos acting like him.
Brian: Oh.
Present. Meg comes downstairs and runs into Chris.
Meg: You must be my brother?
Chris: hey, can you show me your boobs and let me take a picture of them and show it to my friends?
Meg: What?
Chris: Why do I get so nervous and uncontrollable in these kinds of situations?
Peter is putting his jacket on.
Peter: Im going to the bar.
Meg: Oh, can I come?
Peter: I dont think they allow people your age at bars.
Meg: Dont worry, I have it all worked out! I took moms old ID with me.
Peter: Whoa, I forgot how hot Lois was back then!
Cut to Michigan: Abel(old Meg)is being toured around the house.
Adam: This is your room.
Adam opens the door and finds a lot of posters of nearly naked guys.
Abel: This is better than the time Tommy Lee actually said something to me!
Flashback. Abel finds Tommy Lee at a music store.
Abel: Oh my God, its Tommy Lee!
Tommy Lee: What? Who said that? Oh, its just some girl. God, youre ugly!
Present: Cut to the exterior of the Drunken Clam.
Quagmire: Whoa! Whered you get the hot chick from?
Peter: Oh umthis is my cousin.
Meg: Hey whats up!
She gave everyone high fives.
Commercial. Later that night, she was extremely drunk and quagmire saw her.
Quagmire: Giggadigiggadigiggadi-gu!
Quagmire took her and left.
Peter: Hey, where did Me-erI mean my cousin go?
Cleveland: I think Quagmire took her.
Peter does the Charlie Brown scream.
Cut to the Griffin home. Stewie has a video camera and Brian is with him.
Brian: Im taking Stewie to a drive-in movie. Well be back in about two hours.
Lois: Alright, and Stewie, why do you have a camera?
Stewie: So I can make a bootleg movie. Thats right, Im a movie dealer and I sell them in Harlem.
Flashback. Cut to Harlem and Stewie is talking to two black people.
Stewie: Yo, wazzup my ni(bleep)!
Black man #1: Whatd you say boy!
Black man #2: We dont want white people calling us that!
Stewie: So, you want to buy these movies? I have Monsters Ball, Gangs of New York and Tupac: The Resurrection.
Black man #2: Oh, Tupac: Resurrection? Im down with that!
Present. Cut to the drive-in and Stewie and Brian are in the car. Stewie puts his camera up and goes to the back to see Brian playing one of those scratch and win games.
Brian: Alright, the numbers are $16, $1, $10000, $1500! Holy crap, I just won $23,000! I won!
Stewie: Hah! Thats a fake card that I made up! You just got played!
Brian: Can you stop doing that?
Stewie: Gosh, I should send these to Americas Funniest Home Videos! Then again, that does kind of take away the magic.
Brian: Yeah it does. Its just so different once other people see it. Its not as special.
Stewie: Yeah, thats why I didnt really like that show. Besides, didnt they send something like that before?
Brian: Yeah, but he only thought he won $10,000.
Cut to home. Lois is wondering where Meg is. Peter opens the door with a wasted Meg.
Lois: Meg, where have you been?
Peter: She followed me to the bar, seriously!
Meg: Yeah, I got drunk and had sex with that Quagmire guy. He has a crush on you, mom.
Flashback, all you can see is Quagmires bed and his feet and Meg is moaning.
Meg: Yes, yes, yes! Hey wait, is that my mom?
Quagmire: UmI gotta go!
Present Cut to the school.
Teacher: Meet Meg.
Christie(I cant remember her name): Wow, did you get plastic surgery or something?
Meg: Whatd you say about me?
Meg tackles Christie and they fight.
Christie: Whoa, youre cool. How about we skip class?
Meg: Thatd be great!
Later that day Meg and the gang are outside of the school and Meg has a spray-paint can in her hand. She sprays, The principal licks ass. A teacher catches them.
In the principals office, Meg, Lois, and the principal are discussing.
Meg: Well its true! I have proof!
Meg gets a tape and puts it in the VCR. It shows a video of him licking someones butt. Lois mouth drops.
Principal: What? Gosh, this is worse than the time I was caught masturbating to the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee sex tape!
Flashback. In the Principals office the Principal has his pants down with the TV in front of him. A teacher walks in and drops her coffee cup.
Principal: What? This isnt what it looks like!
Present. Abel is introducing Adam and Eve to her boyfriend.
Adam: It is a sin to have a boyfriend.
Eve: Now, please leave.
The boy leaves and Meg runs upstairs.
Eve: You want to watch the Bible Channel?
Adam: Sure.
Cut to a basketball game. Stewie and Brian are high up in the audience.
Stewie: Gosh, they look like ants on that gray platform!
Brian: Thats because they are!
Stewie: Oh. GET OUT!
They all leave.
Announcer: And the winner is sitting in Section 3, Row 12, Seat 18!
Brian: Yes! I won! I won!
Stewie: Oooh! Pranked again! I switched your ticket with Dave Chapelles.
Dave Chapelle is shown smoking weed.
Man: Hey, can you stop smoking that! I dont want to breathe Second-hand smoke!
Dave Chapelle: Shut up!
Brian: I hate you!
He tackles Stewie and they fall all the way into the court and starting fighting outside. Outside, they start laughing and go back to their seats.
Stewie: What were we laughing at anyway?
Brian: No idea!
The next day at home, Meg is lying down on the couch.
Lois: Youre grounded. Do your chores!
Meg: I dont want to!
Lois: I didnt want to do this!
She whistles and the guy from the Six-Flags commercials the famous dance to the techno music. When hes done, he leaves.
Meg: What was that supposed to do?
Lois: I have no clue. R. Kelly!
R. Kelly comes.
R. Kelly: I have to pee.
He unzips his pants and Meg runs around screaming.
Meg: Alright, Ill do my chores!
Ashton Kutcher opens the door.
Ashton Kutcher: You just got punkd!
Lois: This isnt that kind of joke Ashton, now stop doing that.
Ashton puts his head down and leaves.
Later that day, Brian and Stewie are watching the Lottery numbers being drawn.
Announcer: 1
Brian: 1!
Announcer: 47
Brian: 47!
Announcer: 12
Brian: 12!
Announcer: 16
Brian: 16!
Announcer: 5
Brian: 5!
Announcer: 23!
Brian: Damn!
Stewie(gets lighter with every sentence): Ooh, so close. Man, our luck sucks. But hey, now you have more material for that novel youve been working on. You know the one that youve been working on for three years, huh? A character thinks he hits big. He thinks hes won a lot of money, but finds out its a joke!
Brian: Will you stop?
Stewie: Okay, alright.
Meg is in her room and heres someone knocking on her window.
Meg: Christie!
Christie: Come on, lets sneak out!
They leave and take Brians car.
Brian and Stewie are walking to the gas station to get one of those scratch and win games.
Brian: Alright; $10, $82, $10000, $1600.
Brian scratches the card.
Brian: Holy crap, I won $43,200!
Stewie: Finally!
Meanwhile, Meg and Christie are drunk at a party.
Boy: Hey, Im making a Girls Gone Wild video, show us your boobs!
Meg flashes the camera.
Meg: Whooo!
Meg goes up to Christie.
Meg: Man this is so awesome, lets drive around the city!
Theyre driving wildly on the highway and then drive off of it and crash 16 feet into the ground.
Meanwhile, Brian and Stewie are walking home.
Brian: Hey, wheres my car! This is worse than when Peter shot the sheriff!
Flashback. Peter throws a CD in the air and throws it. He aims his gun wrong and shoots a sheriff. People come up to him.
Peter: Hey, I just shot the sheriff, but I didnt shoot the deputy!
Present. The police call home.
Cop(v.o): Are you the mother of Meg Griffin?
Lois: Yes I am, whats happening?
Cop(v.o): She was in a DUI crash.
Lois: What!
At the police station, the family is mad at Meg.
Lois: I cant believe you. You sneak out and drive under the influence. You couldve been killed! Peter, this is your fault!
Peter: Why me? You guys blame for everything.
Lois: Pack your stuff up, youre out!
They leave and see the car getting towed.
Peter: Oh, I didnt see that sign!
Lois: We need another car!
Everyone looks at Brian.
Brian: What? I have my own money, Im not gonna spend it on a car. Alright!
Cut to the Barcola house. Peter opens the door and throws Meg in.
Abel runs out.
Abel: Yes! Thank you, Id rather live with you guys than them.
Adam: What happened? Oh, Abel, you changed.
Lois: Look, it doesnt matter how miserable you may be AbelMeg. We raised you and we love you!
Meg: I love you guys to!
They do a group hug and get into the car.
At home, Peter gets drunk from a lot of wine and smashes the bottle over Megs head and Stewie kicks her.
Stewie: Yup, back to normal!
Cut to a house in Houston, Texas. The Undertaker is drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Mankind sneaks behind him and cracks him a plate. UT falls to the floor but does the Deadman sit-up and chokeslams Mankind onto the table, which breaks on impact. He picks up Mankind and drags him, and then rolls his eyes into the back of his head.
Undertaker: Restinpeace!
Ending credits.